Tuesday, November 3, 2009

what are you create-ing?

I can't help but feel a little jolt of shock/excitement/fear/pride when Molly Marshall talks about Central's create program. In her recent blog post, she talks about a donor couple -- longtime supporters of Central -- who have decided to redirect their gifts to our program. They want to "sow seeds for the future," Molly suggested.

The future. Someone believes that my 8 colleagues and I are the future. I must say, it feels pretty remarkable to be believed in to the point that someone wishes to fund our education.

Most days I don't feel like "the future." I feel like a girl stumbling along to find her place in ministry. I feel like the little I think I know is completely overshadowed by all the things I don't understand; all the hurt and need around me; all the voices that wish to limit possibility. The journey is hard and exciting and absolutely terrifying. And I know that I don't want to be anywhere else.

I think about the friends I am journeying with -- Allyn, Quintrell, Patrick, Reggie, David, Gary, Jermine, and Tyler. After three classes together, I know these guys. I may not know them all in their daily contexts, but I know them under pressure; I know them in confusion and tough situations; I know them in the process of development and change.

We are seedlings right now. Rookie ministers who want desperately to run in every direction at once. And slowly, very slowly, roots are beginning to develop. We certainly won't be finished products after the next three years, but I have hope -- which I believe is well-founded -- that we will be much further along in the process once we are pushed out of the Central nest (how's that for mixing metaphors?).

I am unbelievably grateful. Grateful for a place to explore and grow; grateful for a community of such fantastic quality; grateful for those who can see things in us that I can't always see in myself.